I don’t know about you, but I use my brain a lot. I’m constantly thinking, worrying, planning, reflecting, deciding, remembering—it never stops! At bedtime, whenever my brain can’t seem to slow down and let me sleep, I will flip onto my side and turn toward my husband, snuggle up right beside him and with a heavy sigh I say, “My brain won’t turn off.” This is my husband’s cue. Immediately, he’ll start rambling about some off-the-wall topic or ask me random questions about life, any conversation starter he can think of in his drowsy state to help distract my mind from its constant running. After about three minutes or so of talking with my husband and listening to his soothing voice, my mind finally finds peace and is ready for the night’s rest.
The problem with the ceaseless pace of my thoughts is that I can become so engrossed and concerned by them that I begin to have negative or untrue perceptions. As I listen to those false, stressful, and demoralizing thoughts, I begin to believe that they’re actually true. My soul becomes heavy with worry and my mind swirls with disarray. When I live in this state of distraught chaos, I struggle to function in difficult situations, unable to perceive the truth of my circumstances. As I’ve begun to identify these thought patterns and correct my negative beliefs, I’ve realized the influence my thoughts have toward how I act, feel, react, and trust. The health of my mindset affects the positivity of my life.
How We Think Affects How We Live
My husband will tell you, I’m my own worst critic. I hold myself to a high standard of excellence in everything that I do, and I critique my efforts accordingly (I told you, I’m a recovering perfectionist). Before anyone can form a judgement against me, I’ve already pondered it, feared it, ridiculed it, and (hesitantly) accepted it. The problem with my perfectionistic mentality is that when I don’t achieve a goal or reach certain expectations, I tend to devalue myself. I begin to believe that I’m stupid, worthless, and undeserving, harassing myself with lies of disgrace, shame, and guilt. My immediate reaction is always to reprimand myself for not being better.
Somehow, I learned to view every little mishap in my life through a negative lens of being wrong—I’m wrong, what I did is wrong, what I think is wrong, everything about me is wrong. These types of self-degrading perceptions can affect our mental and emotional health. When negative thoughts consume our minds, our souls begin to believe that they’re true, and our behaviors and habits adapt to those beliefs. I must wonder, if we see every accident or issue in life through a negative lens, how will we ever obtain hope, faith, love, or acceptance in our lives? We need these virtues in order to learn, grow, and thrive!
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
Shifting Our Mindsets
Let’s look at the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
When we view life through a fixed mindset, we become stagnant in our beliefs and abilities. We avoid challenges for fear of failing or making a mistake, and we think that it’s easier to give up than to keep trying because we believe that we can either do something or we can’t. Fixed mindsets leave no room for improvement, hope, or possibilities, and keep us glued to our comfort zones and stationed in familiarity. Although there’s stability in fixed mindsets, it limits us from thinking, believing, or doing anything differently than what we’ve already learned. The problem is that when we’ve learned to think negatively and believe lies about ourselves or our circumstances, there’s no opportunity for us to correct and overcome these detrimental thought cycles. A fixed mindset keeps our thoughts permanently adhered to pessimistic beliefs.
However, when we view life through a growth mindset, we open a door to restoration, healing, and improvement within ourselves. We accept challenges because we know that they’ll help us grow, and we choose to try new things while understanding that failure is a part of learning. A growth mindset looks at our insecurities and mistakes as opportunities for us to change, transforming our negative beliefs into supportive truths. When we shift our mindsets to think positively about ourselves and our circumstances, we gain confidence, hope, and courage to face hard things with perseverance, believing that everything will turn out okay.
Now, having a growth mindset isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Correcting our thoughts, renewing our minds, and being open to change takes hard work! For me, it always seems easier to resort to negative, pessimistic, and critical views whenever I experience difficult situations or don’t achieve the level of excellence that I expect of myself. It has taken great physical, emotional, and mental effort to stop my demeaning thoughts and refocus my mind through the lens of growth, positivity, and grace. Through the practice of developing a growth mindset, I’m learning the benefits of believing affirmative truths, such as:
When I make a mistake, I acknowledge it as an opportunity to learn. [Psalm 37:4, 1 John 1:9]
When I have a bad day, I give myself grace to get through it. [John 1:16, 2 Timothy 2:1]
When I don’t reach a goal, I accept my situation and rearrange my objectives. [Philippians 1:13, Philippians 4:13, Proverbs 3:5-6]
When I feel discouraged, I remind myself of the good in my life. [Psalm 37:4, Jeremiah 29:11, Joshua 1:9, John 16:33]
As we reframe our thoughts, finding the positive growth-producing side of our circumstances and beliefs, we begin to learn how to truly thrive.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Accepting Grace
When I think about growth, I envision a magnificent Evergreen tree towering over me. I look at its marvelous qualities, its pristine pine needles and hefty branches, and I think how easy it was for this tree to grow! A seed was planted and nurtured until it thrived, reaching its potential in becoming a mighty Evergreen. (I’m sure plant growth is much more complicated than I’m describing, but just bear with my analogy!). Sure, it took years for the seed to grow into a mature tree, and there were many external factors that affected its successful growth, but what effort did the seed put forth? I wish developing a growth mindset were that simple! The time and effort it takes to improve our thought lives is exhausting! Even when we successfully face difficult moments and refuse to think negatively about ourselves, that doesn’t guarantee we will overcome the next mental battle ahead.
Just recently, I was having a hard day, struggling to find the right words to use for a writing project. I spent my entire day rewriting a perfectly fine piece because I felt like I just couldn’t get it perfect. Well, after a tiresome day battling feelings of defeat and frustration, my negative emotions overtook my conscious, and I simply broke. I began shouting damaging lies about myself: I’m a screwup, I always have been, and I always will be (if I’m being honest, I was so broken in that moment that I used a much more vile word than “screwup” to describe my false belief). After I expressed myself and calmed down, I began reminding myself (with the help of my husband’s unconditional support) of the actual truth of the matter: I didn’t screw up, I’m doing my best, I am a talented writer, God is using my efforts to make a difference, I am loved, chosen, and important.
The mental and emotional battle of negativity is intense, but I’ve discovered the profound power of accepting grace in those moments, letting myself experience the grief of my circumstances and feelings, and then redirecting my thoughts toward the positive. I no longer scold myself for those brief moments of negativity but correct them, accept them, and move on.
The act of accepting grace has truly changed my life and helped me maintain a growth mindset. In Second Corinthians 12:9, the apostle Paul says, “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” This scripture says it all! In our weaknesses, whenever we feel down, discouraged, and exhausted, by God’s grace we will be held. When we put forth the effort to grow, the Lord will strengthen us and help us reach our healed potential. Yes, developing a growth mindset still requires work, but we can rest assured in the confidence of Christ’s unending grace to see us through. When we position our efforts toward doing good and relying on the Lord’s help, He will be faithful to restore our souls, heal our hearts, and refocus our mindsets. And if God is so willing to extend unconditional love and grace to us, why shouldn’t we do the same for ourselves? Allowing myself to accept grace and not feel ashamed for my downfalls has brought true freedom to my soul and restoration to my mind. Because of the grace of Christ, I can persevere through trials and learn to be better myself every time.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
Learning, Growing, Thriving
I haven’t made it this far on my journey toward healing, growth, and thriving without the influence of positive wisdom and advice. Here are three books that helped me reframe my growth mindset and release my negative thoughts, teaching me to accept myself, believe in my faith, and know that I can live a life worthy of restoration, positivity, and excellence.
It’s Okay Not to be Okay by Sheila Walsh
This book encouraged my soul so deeply! The message of grace, acceptance, purpose, and healing rejuvenated my spirit and made me realize the significance of my relationship with Christ.
My favorite takeaway: “Nothing you walk through is wasted with God. He redeems every drop of our suffering.”
Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen
This book ignited my passion to refocus my mindset and take control of my thought life. I learned the power of saying “I have a choice” to redirect toxic thoughts and influence positive beliefs.
My favorite takeaway: “The enemy has ensnared us with two little words: ‘What if?’ With those two little words, he sets our imagination whirling, spinning tales of the doom that lurks ahead. But our tool for defeating ‘What If?’ is, not surprisingly, found in two words: ‘Because God.’ Because God clothes the lilies of the field and feeds the birds of the air, we don’t need to be anxious about tomorrow. Because God has poured out His love into our hearts, our hope will not be put to shame. Because God chose us to be saved by His strength, we can stand firm in our faith no matter what the day holds.”
You Are More than You’ve Been Told by Hosanna Wong
This book nurtured my understanding of healthy practices to live a life free from guilt, shame, worry, and fear. The message of accepting your worth in Christ and learning practical habits to stay rooted in a healthy lifestyle encouraged my growth journey.
My favorite takeaway: “You will not find who you are in your accomplishments, accolades, or the applause of others. You will find who you are in abiding in Jesus Christ—knowing Him for real and resting in His presence, knowing you are loved without producing a thing.”
The more I work on myself and learn to develop positive perspectives to cultivate a growth mindset, the more I realize the power of continuous effort. It may be tiring at times, but the benefit of refocusing our minds and believing truths about ourselves and our lives will positively impact our circumstances and influence our thriving futures! The journey toward positivity, healing, and wholeness doesn’t end, but by God’s grace and our dedicated efforts, we will reap the benefits of transforming our lives for good.
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