10 Lessons My Thirties Have Taught Me
- Rebecca Kolenda
- Mar 27
- 7 min read
It’s my birthday week!!! Do you love birthdays as much as I do? They’re such special days because they celebrate the birth of YOU – or, in this case, me. Birthdays are the designated moment we each came into this world for a reason. Our existence matters, and our lives deserve to be celebrated!
Lessons from My Thirties
To commemorate the occasion, here are ten lessons I've learned in my thirties so far:
The Importance of Self-Care
I’ve struggled with this concept a lot, wrestling with the belief that self-care might be selfish. To be a loving human, I should care for others, not take time to pamper or spoil myself! But I’m learning that self-care really isn’t selfish. It’s necessary to live a happy and healthy life and to fill your cup so you have something to offer and pour out for others. When you run yourself into the ground without any self-care (which I’ve done—read my memoir to learn more), you deprive yourself of the ability to keep investing in who you love and what you love to do. Sometimes it feels like there’s not enough time, but I’m telling you, spending even just 5-10 minutes doing something that relaxes you, fills your spirit, or releases tension is worth it. Self-care looks different for everyone, but the point isn’t how pampered or spoiled you feel; the point is to rejuvenate yourself, to care for your physical and mental well-being because you matter!
Being Comfortable with Myself
Maybe it stems from my perfectionistic tendencies, but I’m learning a lot about accepting my quirks and personality for what they are instead of comparing or degrading myself for them. So what if I like having a plan even though it seems like most other people fly by the seat of their pants? Who cares if I want to keep my house clean because it makes me feel less anxious? It’s okay that I don’t enjoy swimming because I’m afraid of drowning, or that I love watching documentaries instead of action movies. I don’t have to be like anyone else! Who I am is good. My quirks make me who I am, and that’s something to celebrate!
Life Priorities
Aligning your life priorities with what matters to you is essential. We can get so caught up in everyday life that we forget what really matters— time spent with family and friends, investing in a hobby that brings you joy, checking an experience off your bucket list, or having conversations about your passions and inspirations. Life isn’t just the routine hustle and bustle or the mundane laundry and dishes. Life is what you value and who you care about. Remember to identify and honor those things.
Live with Intention
I wish everyone understood the value of being intentional. When you live with intention, you become mindful of each moment—reaching out to people when they cross your mind, showing kindness even when you're having a hard day, putting forth effort to be there for someone, and living a life full of gratitude. Living intentionally teaches you to value life, think of others, and prioritize what truly matters. It produces qualities like empathy, patience, love, and forgiveness. Living with intention matters, and it can make all the difference!
Health Matters
Health routines are the hardest for me to stay consistent with, even though I know they're important. When I feel physically well and have energy, it improves my self-esteem and overall well-being. I've learned that I must implement realistic habits in order to prioritize my health routines.
I’ve heard that it takes 6-8 weeks to form regular habits, so I recently posted a two-month calendar near my vanity. I marked my health goals on it, and then each day, I noted whether I achieved the goal or not. Visually tracking my progress helped motivate me to reach my goals and sustain these practices as regular habits.
I want to encourage you that your health matters and it’s worth investing in! You don’t have to implement the most extensive practices, you just need to identify your particular health needs and find habits that will help sustain your lifestyle. Give yourself grace in the process. Once you do a little research and find what works for you, everything will come together. Your heart, your health, and your life will thank you for it!
Invest in Relationships
I’m at a place in life where most of my friendships are long-distance, plus all of our family lives out of state, so maintaining relationships takes intentional effort. This has made me realize the blessing of investing in relationships. It’s much harder to connect with people when you don’t do everyday life with them. But when someone is important to you (and you’re important to them), you can find ways to stay a part of each other’s lives. Reaching out regularly, checking in, and celebrating moments from afar are important ways to sustain a connection. Most of my friends are mothers, and I always feel extra special when they communicate with me because I know their lives are different now (and very busy). I cherish times when we can schedule in-person meet-ups and catch up! Even if it’s only a couple of times a year, I value quality time with my friends and family. It means the world to me to maintain relationships and invest in people who mean so much to me.
Embrace Change
I think this is a lesson many people are afraid of learning. I know change is hard. It often takes you out of your safe place and everyday routines and spins new adventures and challenges into the web of life. Regardless of whether the change is good or bad, it’s different than normal, and that can feel very uncomfortable. But, if I’ve learned anything, it's that change is an essential part of learning and growing. If we stayed right where we were without changing, we wouldn’t have moments of discovery or improvement. We wouldn’t experience times of grief, stress, or heartbreak. We wouldn’t have these opportunities to mold, grow, and shape our lives and develop our character. When we embrace change, we gain perspective and learn to empathize with others. Change is a part of life that, when we accept it, we can use to become the best version of ourselves possible.
Pursue Passion over Purpose
For so long, I got caught up in my life’s purpose. Whatever I was destined to do was the objective of my existence. But since turning thirty, I’ve realized that’s not entirely true. Yes, we have a purpose, but it isn’t our be-all and end-all. Who we are and the lives we live matter just as much as our purpose does.
Recently, I've realized the value of finding my passion—what is it that I highly value, that’s deeply seated in my heart? I believe God can (and will) use those passions to fulfill our life's purpose. He created us with particular character traits, skill sets, gifts, talents, and interests for a reason. When we discover our passions, it helps identify what is important to us, and that's how we make a difference in this world. As we prioritize what matters, God will use our efforts, passions, and interests to fulfill His will in our lives. What you love and enjoy matters—to you, to this world, and to God. Find it and achieve it!
Try New Things!
For most of my life, I’ve resisted trying new things I’m convinced I won’t like. Watch sports? No thanks. Eat sushi? Definitely not!
However, as I’ve become my own person and discovered my passions, I’ve been more open to trying new things. I’ve found the courage to leave my comfort zone in hopes of discovering something new to enjoy (or at least gain a new experience!). And I realized that trying new things isn’t so scary; I either like it or I don’t, and I don’t have to ever try it again unless I want to.
Being open to new experiences has helped me grow as a person and find new things that I actually love, like watching certain sports events and eating sushi! If you stay stuck in what you know, you’ll never understand what you’re missing out on. When you try new things, it allows you to learn more about yourself, others, and the world around you. Don’t miss out just because you’re stubborn or afraid of new things! If it’s something you might like or that your friends or family enjoy, give it a shot! You can’t knock it until you try it.
Make Moments Matter
I’m passionate about making moments matter (a phrase coined by Royal Family KIDS, an incredible ministry you should learn more about) and treasuring those memories. Whenever I think of a particular moment in life, my mind often references a photo from that memory, a visual snapshot to help me relive and remember it. This is a huge reason why I love pictures and collecting keepsakes like cards, notes, and trinkets. These mementos capture those moments and help me recall those cherished times that turned into memories.
I also realize more than before how fleeting life is. We may think we have enough time, or maybe we don’t think about it at all. The fragility of life puts into perspective how important each moment is in our lives. We were made for this moment, so let’s make it count! Moments matter, and each one turns into a memory of some sort. Choose to cherish your days, treasure your memories, and be proud of your moments. Life is short, so let’s live it to the fullest by making moments matter!
Thirty & Thriving
I have to say, my thirties have been an incredible decade so far, not because anything exceptionally drastic or exciting has happened (although I did quit my dream job and publish my memoir), but because I've discovered myself.
In the last three years, I've learned more about my life, faith, and identity than ever before. And if you're looking to go on a similar journey of healing, learning, and growing, here are a few books that made an impact on my life:
It's Okay Not to Be Okay by Sheila Walsh
Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen
Killing Comparison by Nona Jones
Your Are More Than You've Been Told by Hosanna Wong
The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi
Redeemed: Discovering Identity After Trauma by Rebecca Kolenda (me!)